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I had the privilege of working with teenagers and their families now for over 25 years. I did it long enough for a teenager with whom I once worked in the eighties in their youth to get help. That was sooner than I expected.

One of the many things I have learned over all these years is the greatest emotional need of young people. It may not be what you think and can surprise you.

The greatest emotional need of young people (according to the music, the computer and the phone) is a strong feeling of belonging.

They must feel they are a part of something bigger than themselves, if they do not get it in a healthy place - with family, worthwhile friends, clubs, sports, youth groups, etc. - they get it in an unhealthy place - with inappropriate friends, drugs, gangs or cults.

One of our many jobs as parents is to ensure that they are the first place a sense of belonging in the family.

The second place we can foster a sense of belonging is with friends in clubs, church, sports or other groups.

One of the questions I am most often asked by parents is what to do if it wants to stop teen a club or sport, they are a part of for a long time.

My answer is: It's OK to quit when the following criteria are met:

1. The desire to quit is not a symptom of depression or drug use,

2. It is not a situation where it would be better for teenagers to see what to completion, and

3. The Teen replace what they leave with something else that is healthy. The partial exception to this rule is if the teenager is already over loaded and quit something they have a normal and healthy life and schedule.

Remember that young people are to create a feeling of belonging somewhere. It is our job to make sure that somewhere a good somewhere.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f * r * e * e 5-day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to your youth, education and coach expert Jeff Herring